What does “entitlement” mean? Webster1 says: “…a belief that one is deserving… of certain privileges.” Or in the perspective of The Lowerarchy, the belief that one deserves to have their needs met.
Basic examples of entitlement:
- I am entitled to a refund.
- I deserve a vacation.
- That parking spot is mine.
- Give me candy mommy!
More complex examples:
- We’ll get a table… the owner knows me.
- I struggled through 6 years of law/med school, they’ll be lining up for my skills.
- I’m better than those losers and deserve the spot.
- People will pay to see me.
- They will all beg me to be at my televised wedding.
- I’ve been here longer. I deserve the promotion.
- Wow, what a cute skirt! (unsaid: I’m sure it will get me some attention.)
And even more examples of complex… and complicated entitlement:
- This is our land … it was promised to us by the creator.
- This is our land … we’ve been farming it for generations.
The above is an example of a “Conflict of Needs” [between two entitled parties].
Click the link to go to the CONFLICT post.
Chained Needs
It’s important to know when the feeling of entitlement is driving our other needs. I call this an example of, “Chained Needs”. Chained Needs are where one need drives a secondary need. The primary need is foundational to the secondary or even tertiary need. And as we would think, we often find that driving force of the need is exaggerated and “stronger” than it would have been without the support of entitlement. Chained needs can be longer of course, and when this is in play. As we might think, the conscious awareness of secondary or tertiary needs is almost always lacking.
And as often happens, the need owner can go into an angry [narcissistic] rage if that need is challenged or otherwise thwarted (see Narcissism below).
Arrogant entitlement, or narcissistic entitlement is the exaggerated belief that the person is somehow deserving of their needs. This type of entitlement is wider in scope and supports many secondary and even tertiary needs of the owner. “I must sit in the front row because I’m getting the award for best actress… [AND I”M IMPORTANT!]”.
Appropriate Entitlement
Appropriate entitlement usually supports a singular need, and often is the responsibility to a higher authority.
- I’m entitled to fair treatment by the city housing authority.
- My tenant is entitled to advanced notice before I inspect my rental property.
- (As mentioned above), “I’m entitled to a refund or exchange as stated in the stores return policy.”
- The college must evaluate my application based on my entrance scores.
Note: Arrogant Entitlement is its own need, but rarely is it a stand-alone driver. It’s a driver for multiple needs. The arrogance and feeling of superiority bleeds into most of the owner’s day-to-day activities and social encounters.
(If we see the word “deserve” anywhere, that’s a clue as to what’s coming.)
Narcissism
I want to include a special section on Narcissism here because Entitlement and Narcissism are closely tied.
Babies are born with an awareness of themselves, coupled with a deep belief that they are the center of their universe. This is a healthy mechanism, and one we humans needed tin order to survive “back in the day”. With healthy growth and something called individuation2, they come to learn and realize that there are “others” around them and that they are not the center of all that is. However, in many unhealthy families, this concept doesn’t fully kick in. The result is that the individual is stuck in the place where they believe that they ARE still the center of all that is, and that their universe is the ONLY universe. This happens for a number of reasons, which I won’t get into here, but we all know those who are constantly needing to be the center of attention. They also expect all things to go their way, and to get their individual needs met. If not, they will exhibit behaviors I list above.
Dana’s note: will someone please tell me which teenage hormone is the one for entitlement?
1 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entitlement
2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
Do you like this post on Entitlement? Check out my posts on: GIFT-GIVING, COMPETITION & UNHEALTHY NEEDS.
